tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52480169387596213162012-03-16T20:07:29.935-04:00making wishes...mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.comBlogger2971100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-52017770125108478372012-03-13T19:30:00.000-04:002012-03-13T19:30:58.338-04:00

Today I conducted a session outside, in the sun, near running water, with birds singing. It was glorious. I have begun teaching two teenagers DBT skills  (Dialectical Behavior Therapy). It is a therapy that embraces the now. One learns skills with which to live in the present, tolerate distress and emotionally regulate oneself. It involves breathing, using all five senses and experiencing life as

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-3360126700971124632012-02-14T17:14:00.000-05:002012-02-14T17:14:14.771-05:00

Add caption Today on Valentine's Day, I was working. As I sat in traffic at a red light, I was thinking about my loved ones who have died in the past year. Especially my brother, Doug, who gave many red roses to his wife Bobbie. I knew this was going to be a hard holiday for her. I said a little prayer and selfishly hoped for a sign that God had heard me... I noticed the car pulling up

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-20624249153607342462012-02-12T09:20:00.000-05:002012-02-12T09:20:55.674-05:00

I am in such a strange place in my head. I can neither go forward or back until I somehow deal with the past two years. I am tired of change and yet I yearn to change everything. Maybe just everything that has happened. I want to stop feeling the loss of my loved ones and bring them back. Not back to their times of illness and suffering but back to happier days. There have been times when I

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-78383893592227857982012-02-12T09:08:00.003-05:002012-02-12T09:14:00.056-05:00

I feel that deep inside me something has broken too much to ever be repaired mended or fixed. The question now is how do I live with the dull pain caused by the sharp edges of grief?

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-67855191293488426452012-01-29T12:45:00.001-05:002012-01-29T12:49:17.176-05:00

I spend my days with kids who are unruly, defiant, oppositional; who are wounded in ways the world cannot easily see. I usually find something to like, even love about these kids. However there is one kid with whom I am struggling. He is hostile, crude, sly, salacious and downright cruel. I have read  his history, it is not pretty or kind. He was born into a family of violence and abuse. He has

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-9337778327766165432012-01-02T16:39:00.000-05:002012-01-02T16:39:59.603-05:00

A new year. A new beginning. A time to reflect on the past and wonder about the future. I used to love New Years. As a teenager and well into my twenties, I would spend New Year's Eve with my mom and sometimes her sisters and brother. If we did the family thing, we would stay up telling ghost stories while eating pinto beans and cornbread my uncle Hoss made. Of course after I moved to NYC, I

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-2219731719652044352011-12-06T17:43:00.000-05:002011-12-06T17:43:18.064-05:00

I haven't blogged for a long time. I was so overwhelmed I couldn't find words to express myself. The past 2 years have caught up with me and I grew weary of hearing my own story. When I look back at the blog, I see so much loss, so much grief... But the tide is turning. I still mourn my lost loved ones but I have turned a corner. I passed my LCSW (licensed clinical social worker) exam. This has

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-81915139836976144962011-09-12T22:17:00.000-04:002011-09-12T22:17:52.497-04:00

This is a poem I wrote many years ago before so many deaths had occurred in my family. I found it today, its a little rough, a little irreverent, but kind of interesting... He comes at night a shadow to fear. A light tap on the shoulder and they disappear. He strolls the garden in earliest morn his robe dew damped bedraggled, worn. He dances away the minutes of day Tick Tocking Time to Decay.

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-37214081544256833792011-09-12T22:10:00.001-04:002011-09-17T11:11:26.401-04:00

Today I walked among the dead, resting quietly in their graves. I wandered among them speaking aloud a name a date a sentiment, carved in coldest stone. Speaking them into being for just a moment just a breath of time. It is peaceful away from the living. The quiet broken only by birdsong, breezes rustling the leaves beneath my feet. Sun warmed granite rough to my touch. Alabaster, cool even

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-50703200134531204262011-09-12T21:52:00.000-04:002011-09-12T21:52:11.281-04:00

I work with a lot of teenage boys. They are awesome in ways I never imagined. Bold. Strong. Fragile. Insightful. Forgetful. They are dreamers, schemers and preeners. I feel for these kids. They have had tough lives, spent years with people labeling them as stupid, dumb, just another redneck/gangbanger/poor white trash/poor black/stoner/trailer trash kid... They are not those labels. They

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-25140215216475723202011-07-23T10:06:00.003-04:002011-07-23T23:48:20.820-04:00

I realized he was the age I am now when she entered his life. He had been lonely for a while, had been to dark places in his mind and felt his heart would never know love again. On their first date he took her a red rose. They shyly introduced each other as "my sweetheart". Their children, all in their teens and twenties, began to accept each other as siblings. Then they began to have

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-21888012500094754472011-07-16T11:37:00.000-04:002011-07-16T11:37:50.161-04:00

It is a quiet Saturday morning. I have awakened from dreams that were like long pleasant movies filled with laughter and friends. In these dreams there is sunshine, beautiful forests, lakes that are blue and clear. I talk with friends and cannot tell if I am actually awake or dreaming. Lovely. For the past two years I have had anxiety dreams, waking up in panic, drenched in sweat with my heart

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-11377230132886987432011-07-14T20:54:00.000-04:002011-07-14T20:54:00.634-04:00

Today I am grateful for endings and beginnings. We closed on the old house. A young man named Robert bought it as his first home. I had not met him but the hubster had. He was rooting for this person to buy our house. The husbster told me that Robert listened to as the husband told our story, walked through the house at a non-peak time and still saw something that spoke to him. Young Robert

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-59665333711443349712011-07-12T21:55:00.000-04:002011-07-12T21:55:56.650-04:00

Yesterday I sat in the old house and burst into tears. Today, I locked the door and walked away. So much was going through my mind: loss, sorrow, shame, frustration, memories and more. The house is in pretty rough shape.  With the pictures off the wall, the furniture gone, the curtains hanging in the new house, every little flaw is obvious. Every room needs painting, the floors need refinishing

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-85906007168581665382011-07-03T20:10:00.001-04:002011-07-03T20:45:55.873-04:00

Apostle: "...followers of Jesus who carried the Christian message into the world". Robert Douglas MacArthur Parks born January 4th ,1945, died June 27th, 2011 was one of God's most little known but most glorious Apostles. My brother has finished his work on this earth. We laid him to rest underneath the same cedar tree that shades my daddy and mama's graves. He is buried on the right hand side

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-63446052997315137672011-06-25T10:02:00.001-04:002011-06-26T10:16:02.770-04:00

"What is a thin place?  To discern the difference between an ordinary place and a thin place, one must use a spiritual perspective.  In simple terms a ‘thin place’ is a place where the veil between this world and the Other world is thin, the Other world is more near.  This meaning assumes the perceiver senses the existence of a world beyond  what we know through our five senses.

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-19630017662498476922011-05-15T13:00:00.002-04:002011-05-15T13:04:28.155-04:00

Not the actual rug... that one is gone... In our attempts to pack and move I have been experiencing anxiety and depression... There is so much stuff that I had deemed important and worth keeping. Now I look at it and realize, no it's not important and I must let it go. Some things have been easy. One can only hoard so many empty butter tubs before it becomes ridiculous. Some have been

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-48121103644506383882011-05-07T15:09:00.001-04:002011-05-07T15:12:40.579-04:00

I love my job as I have stated before. But yesterday was the toughest day in a stretch of tough days... All my clients are teenagers and over half are teen males. I adore them all. But the boys break my heart at times. These past 2 weeks all my clients (4) at one particular school have been in ISS (in school suspension). Some have had the school file beyond control charges against them. When I

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-52538317404594670782011-05-02T22:00:00.000-04:002011-05-02T22:00:31.450-04:00

"I will mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." ~ Martin Luther King Jr. I have mixed emotions about the news. I

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-41044189190841383622011-04-20T11:35:00.001-04:002011-04-20T11:37:35.928-04:00

I have rarely had to be the deciding factor in important matters. I have made a lot of decisions in my life, but they mostly affected me. Now, in my job, I make decisions that affect families. It is an overwhelming realization that I hold a family's life in my hands. I pray a lot. I consider the facts. I try to keep my heart out of it. That is the hard part. It is said our greatest strength is

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-62563557423907717072011-03-29T18:47:00.002-04:002011-03-29T18:51:19.358-04:00

This winter has been long, cold and dark. I have been fighting my depression and anxiety again. They almost won. I hate when I get into this state. I have no control, I am irrational and fearful of everything. I am overwhelmed. I tried to wean off my meds. Big mistake. I became a blithering idiot. I couldn't stop crying. I was afraid of "EVERYTHING". I would cry and apologize and repeat over and

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-25686475261496556022011-03-14T22:56:00.002-04:002011-06-02T19:15:36.459-04:00

A red leather recliner  that became a dragon at night.A clawfoot tub that wandered and danced.A white coffee cupinto which went 3 spoons of sugar,swirled and swirled, the spoon clink, clink, clinking. A door that closed on my past but opened to my future.A home in my dreamsthat I revisit again and again.Ordinary objects. Glimpses of daily lifethat haunt my sleep,linger in my day,making me long

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-4121337850037265032011-02-13T18:25:00.000-05:002011-02-13T18:25:08.088-05:00

Bands of light and shadow play against the trees, the sun setting behind fences lining the lonesome road. A hawk sits high on the wires stretching from farm to farm linking lives unknown. Surveying the field for a mouse, vole or shrew, He waits in solitude calm, deliberate, deadly. The fields lie fallow with an expectation of spring. Snow clings desperately in the shadow of hillock and furrows

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-71834909646766171142011-01-29T13:44:00.000-05:002011-01-29T13:44:20.329-05:00

It's been a long strange week since we lost our little Mo. Maggie the insane cat has been moved downstairs, equipped with a magical "Anti anxiety" pheromone collar that seems to actually be working. She is still a bit schizoid alternately loving and fearful but the fear is lessening. Mo was her main adversary and they fought anytime they had contact. Kizzie just ignores her as she does the rest

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-68184952650335591052011-01-24T09:53:00.001-05:002011-01-24T09:59:29.056-05:00

 Winterby Martha Parks Johnson The first snow would fallin the secret of night.I’d wake to findA wonderland of white ice.My breath would lightlyfrost  the windowand I would hug my quilt tightas Daddy stirred the sleeping embers of fireinto waking blaze. Later bundled in his old Pea jacketin boots a size too largeI would step the first stepinto the hushed wilderness.I would wander throughoutthe

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-61471921542481430802011-01-21T20:41:00.000-05:002011-01-21T20:41:54.713-05:00

I arrived early one morning at the vet clinic where I used to work to find a box of kittens in front of the door. I carried them in, mewing and purring. The first one out of the box was a little bit of nothing black and white fluff. He looked me in the eye as if to say "Well, Here I am! Are you going to feed us or what?" Little cat with a big attitude. Inside the box were 4 others, all flame

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-62882543500783400642011-01-02T23:13:00.000-05:002011-01-02T23:13:45.880-05:00

So it is over. The year that was possibly the worst of my life is over. It ended on a sad note with the news that my dear friend Alan died at around 5 pm on New Year's Eve. Our mutual friend called in tears and said simply, "He's gone." Death is simple, its the living on after the loss that is complicated and hard. I remember once as Alan and I were euthanizing someone's beloved pet, the owner

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-4013297505857816182010-12-26T21:42:00.001-05:002010-12-26T21:47:14.243-05:00

Hold on to what is good, Even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what you believe, Even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you must do, Even if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life, Even if it's easier to let go. Hold on to my hand, Even if someday I'll be gone away from you. A Pueblo Indian Prayer  I have been thinking a lot about holding on and letting go

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-16982515301626678462010-11-13T19:55:00.000-05:002010-11-13T19:55:43.079-05:00

We have started the house hunting. It is not easy... I went alone without the hubster but with BB2 and Sister and her hubster. We looked at several houses but there was one little funky one, that I for some reason loved. It needed some work, not a lot but probably more than I could see through my smitten eyes. The colors were neutral, a lovely pale yellow, the kitchen large enough to eat in with

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-1922060284952368252010-11-10T23:31:00.000-05:002010-11-10T23:31:30.033-05:00

Tonight I watched Glee, my newest vice. Its about a bunch of high school kids in a glee club who sing and dance and basically are outcasts. I watch it because its entertaining but also at times heartwrenching. Is there ever a more difficult time in our lives than high school? Those years shape us more than we would care to admit. It is the time we pass from childhood into the vast realm of

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-81108461015931309372010-10-28T20:34:00.000-04:002010-10-28T20:34:10.364-04:00

This past week, my Aunt Catherine died. The Hubster has already written a beautiful post about my family. I don't know if I can express it any better than he already has. However, it meant a trip to the farm. As I have grown older I have come to love that land more dearly than ever. KY is a beautiful state. There are lots of lovely woods, creeks, farms and fields. But something about the family

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-86374640311267662752010-10-17T13:08:00.001-04:002010-10-17T13:11:58.292-04:00

I have written in so long. I have had ideas simmering in my mind for months, but when it comes down to writing, I stall out... Its been a rough summer. So much sorrow, worry and anxiety. Too many people in my life fighting for their lives. But oh,  have I learned. I have changed without realizing I was transforming. I am no longer the same person I was in April. Then I was burned out, stressed,

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-40337154453816124942010-09-14T22:27:00.000-04:002010-09-14T22:27:30.965-04:00

The results are in. The hubster has no visible tumors, the pulmonary embolism is almost gone and he is in remission for now. This summer I worked hard on staying clinical, doing his feedings by tube, dosing out medications. Sitting patiently in waiting rooms, hospital rooms, emergency rooms. I tried not to cry in front of him. I only lost it a couple of times. But yesterday when we got the good

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-32189722679571349002010-09-01T18:15:00.000-04:002010-09-01T18:15:59.398-04:00

Its September 1st. How did THAT happen??? This is the summer that wasn't... it wasn't about vacations, shorter workdays, longer evenings, plays at the Arboretum or any of what I usually do during summer. It was about avoiding heat and the sun. Going from one hospital to another. Sleeping in the middle of the day so we could be awake when it was cooler and darker. It was about praying alot. For

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-2636820844646720532010-08-10T19:40:00.000-04:002010-08-10T19:40:56.121-04:00

Today I stopped by the farmers' market as it was closing and bought some tomatoes. They had been sitting in the sun and were warm and juicy. Getting back into my car, I polished one against the leg of my pants and ate it just the way it was. The skin was crisp and snapped wonderfully when I bit into it, the juices ran down my arm and I quickly licked it off. For a few minutes I was transported

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-83191450758684289562010-07-25T18:47:00.000-04:002010-07-25T18:47:56.753-04:00

I return to the land where time and again I find strength and solace. I don't know if there is magic in the earth beneath my feet or in the wind soughing through the trees but I feel an energy that connects with mine. It may be the spirits of long dead ancestors or even animals I once loved buried carefully along fence rows so as to remember where they lay. I hear it whispering to me in the

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-69007636397573292542010-07-25T18:15:00.002-04:002010-07-25T18:28:37.102-04:00

WEEP: to express grief, sorrow, or any overpowering emotion by shedding tears.  CRY:  shed tears, with or without sound. This summer has been unusual and intense. My husband, brother, aunt and a close friend all were diagnosed with cancer. I have seen cancer at its best and worst. If there is such a thing as "best" for cancer. Oddly, my last practicum was with the American

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-30713844345074842262010-07-08T11:42:00.001-04:002010-07-08T11:46:20.995-04:00

When I was a teenager I think I was the original "Emo". I was very emotional, yearning for something more, it was indefinable but I remember a deep longing for whatever it was that I did not have... I spent a lot of time lost in music. Listening to 45's and albums on my record player. Recording songs on my cassette tape recorder off the radio in wee hours of the morning. (All very hi tech at the

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-34188612247912888692010-07-07T12:57:00.003-04:002010-07-07T21:59:05.424-04:00

This song reminds me of both my big brothers (BB1 and BB2). Both were brought up in the country, on the same farm where we all were conceived and born. BB1 still lives there, walking on the ground where father and grandfather walked and where his son and grandchildren walk. It is a beautiful farm, woods of hickory, oak, and cedar. Fence rows covered in blackberry vines, ponds filled with the

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-35479832730868422962010-07-05T11:46:00.000-04:002010-07-05T11:46:57.826-04:00

This has been an interesting summer. Here are the facts: I turned 50. My 22 year old cat, Buddy Love died. 3 family members were diagnosed with cancer within the same month. I am on leave from work to take care of one of those family members, my husband of soon to be 21 years... I have had hard times before and survived them. I know in my heart I am a survivor. I may fall down, get up, fall

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-2089155919205655152010-07-02T22:18:00.002-04:002010-07-02T22:18:38.503-04:00

A quick and easy peach cobbler recipe; you can substitute any other fruit, like Blackberries! Or strawberry & rhubarb! If using fresh fruit I cook w/ 1 c sugar and 1/4 c water for 5 minutes to let the juices flow! If you use rhubarb cut into 1/2 inch pieces. Cook Time: 45 minutes or until golden and bubbly. Ingredients: * 1 cup self rising flour * 1 cup milk * 1 cup sugar * 1 stick of melted

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-64287560819607938242010-06-29T21:43:00.001-04:002010-06-29T22:04:57.565-04:00

I don't make pies. I make cobblers. Exactly the way my mama taught me. Butter, flour, sugar, milk and fruit. Easy. I have made cobblers for church socials, friends and neighbors. They are all eaten quickly. Something comforting about the crunchy crust and warm fruit with vanilla ice cream melting and puddling around it... A friend from college sent me the link to Patty Griffin's song "Making

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-50950143056234031302010-06-29T14:51:00.002-04:002010-06-29T15:10:11.807-04:00

So today Mo is at the vet's office. And I am playing the anxious mother. These past few years have been so difficult. At one point we had 2 dogs, a fish and 5 cats... Our animal family has dwindled in the past two years. First was Molly the dog, a gift from God, no question. She graced our home during the last 5 years of her life. A funny, peaceful, easy to love Golden Retriever. Next we lost

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-92063358430348454692010-06-24T10:56:00.001-04:002010-06-24T10:57:59.741-04:00

Some days the waiting is too hard. Time either runs swiftly or barely moves at all. It is disorienting this time of daily, hourly, minute by minute change. I feel as if the world is a transient space, ebbing, flowing, lives intertwining and then breaking apart never to touch again. It is a world of strangers who become friends briefly. Common theme touching each one lightly or darkly weaving

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-27087407945958114712010-06-20T18:34:00.001-04:002010-06-20T20:16:01.633-04:00

It is the first day since surgery two months ago that the hubster and I have been alone in our home together. His mother came to stay before he was discharged from the hospital. My sister and I cleaned feverishly, to make room for a visit of indeterminate length. He came home from the hospital with an eight inch incision, no jugular on his right side, no nerve to his right ear, 4 lymph nodes and

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-34118511870051563142010-05-28T16:11:00.000-04:002010-05-28T16:11:51.191-04:00

In fevered dreams you talk of bumbershoots and dinner parties. Your restless hands pluck the air pulling wisps of memories into place. You call for "Mom" and laugh at silent jokes only you can hear. You are in the thin place between wake and sleep, life and death, real and imagined... I hope you are closer to God there and here in the dreams I cannot enter, the world I cannot see, the

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-92214623528914066752010-05-17T20:43:00.000-04:002010-05-17T20:43:51.658-04:00

Last night as the rain fell and the thunder rumbled I lay close to you hands clasped and feet touching. We whispered our fears to one another, Our hopes and dreams that might not be. We wondered where this road was leading as we saw the dark valley ahead with no light yet. The rain softened and the thunder faded but on we talked remembering moments of our lives before: Before illness, Before

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-36764439179473715812010-05-15T20:58:00.000-04:002010-05-15T20:58:55.363-04:00

Last night I kept having lucid dreams. Restless and surreal dreams... Or as Wikipedia explains: A lucid dream is a dream in which the sleeper is aware that he or she is dreaming. When the dreamer is lucid, he or she can actively participate in and often manipulate the imaginary experiences in the dream environment. Lucid dreams can seem extremely real and vivid depending on a person's level of

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-4730413512784334252010-05-03T20:48:00.000-04:002010-05-03T20:48:00.933-04:00

Tomorrow is doctor day. First Jake and MO go to the vet. Jake gets his first set of adult vaccinations and yearly adult physical. MO gets his geriatric workup. Now the elder of our little family since the death of Buddy at age 22, MO has been a little off. Nothing major. Just not a kitten anymore at age 15 going on 16. As hard as it is to believe the giant 70 something pound dog was just over a

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-27721286896434890642010-05-03T20:37:00.000-04:002010-05-03T20:37:35.997-04:00

Sturm und Drang (German pronunciation: [ʃtʊʁm ʊnt dʁaŋ]) is the name of a movement in German literature and music taking place from the late 1760s through the early 1780s, in which individual subjectivity and, in particular, extremes of emotion were given free expression in reaction to the perceived constraints of rationalism imposed by the Enlightenment and associated aesthetic movements. The

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-60601255393720411622010-05-02T13:54:00.001-04:002010-05-02T18:41:09.683-04:00

The past month has been a roller coaster ride of fear, peace, anxiety, laughter, tears and most of all Love. It began when the hubster found a lump on his neck during his ritual spring shearing of the beard. It was rather hard and about the size of an egg. By the time we had it checked, CT scanned, PET scanned and tested it was closer to a grapefruit... The doc whisked him to surgery, removing

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-54699316979206850922010-04-01T19:45:00.001-04:002010-04-01T19:45:42.431-04:00

Today I am thankful for: my family and friends Jake, Mo, Kizzie and Maggie the insane cat my coworkers that the sun is out and the air is cool hyacinths daffodils and that for this moment come what may, all will be well... I have faith. And that is what sustains me.

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-57024645426027399462010-03-30T23:58:00.000-04:002010-03-31T00:02:20.851-04:00

Today I was getting ready for work and on an impulse I stopped at Aldi's to pick up some Starbursts for my girls group for a meditation on mindfulness. The plan is that we take a piece of candy, hold it, smell it and eat it slowly, observing all our senses and then describing what it was like to be present in the moment... While there I also grabbed a bag of apples... well, just because. I

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-33458628550712272122010-03-13T13:25:00.000-05:002010-03-13T13:25:22.871-05:00

Last Saturday I met with an old friend from NYC with whom I had worked in theater. He was in town for the SETC (South Eastern Theater Conference). He has become a guru in the lighting world and asked me to hang out at his booth on the conference floor handing out lighting swag... So I went and it was wonderful and weird all at once. I still remembered lighting terms despite that being several

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-39844931723217106972010-03-13T13:08:00.000-05:002010-03-13T13:08:56.944-05:00

I received a wonderful call the other day. One of my kiddos called to update me after being off my caseload for over a year. I rarely get to hear the end of the story, we are sort of a "treat and release" kind of agency.... But this kiddo called and is thriving, in college, working, and generally doing great. She has even started living her dream of working with animals and is on staff at a

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-68215239779873609592010-03-13T13:02:00.000-05:002010-03-13T13:02:29.759-05:00

So this year I turned 50. And FREAKED out. I have never really had a problem with aging or getting older, but for some reason the number 50 has totally freaked me out. I figure I have exceeded the halfway point of my life. There is more lived than left to live. I have been doing all the psychological mind games to divert my attention. Such as: when my mother was 50 I was 12 years old. I had

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-32012764864764403222010-03-01T20:54:00.000-05:002010-03-01T20:54:08.230-05:00

May God bless and keep you always May your wishes all come true May you always do for others And let others do for you May you build a ladder to the stars And climb on every rung May you stay forever young Forever young, forever young May you stay forever young. May you grow up to be righteous May you grow up to be true May you always know the truth And see the lights surrounding you May you

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-31933255148997473532010-02-27T11:19:00.000-05:002010-02-27T11:19:46.865-05:00

Winter settles in sinking deep into their bones, and they begin to seek warmth They curl beneath lamps, crawl under covers, lie in the middle of their packs drawing warmth from others. But the cold has crept into the very marrow of their ancient bones. It calls out to them, drawing them into the frigid frozen world, the stillness of newly fallen snow. They are old and weary. Too many

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-60784441840314388972010-02-26T20:29:00.000-05:002010-02-26T20:29:33.208-05:00

Lately I have been alternating between peace and pain. Losing Buddy Love the cat was somehow both. I am grateful to have had a cat for over 21 years. He helped me through many a bad night, purring me to sleep. Anyone who has not had a beloved pet for so long may not understand the role he played in my life. He had become a touchstone; someone solid, dependable and always there. Unlike humans

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-70054569143407008762010-02-23T22:17:00.001-05:002010-02-23T22:17:27.891-05:00

I , as bad as they come, came to know Him. He loved me. Always. Totally. Without reserve. I loved Him, with reservation. I denied Him not once but thrice and yet, He loved me still. I watched as He died reeking of sweat and blood and the sharp vinegar offered to slake His thirst Salt formed on His cheeks from tears shed for me. For me? He died for me... In an instant I came to know Him. and I

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-49705646323928256242010-02-23T22:09:00.000-05:002010-02-23T22:09:24.296-05:00

LIGHT: Love Inside/outside God Holiness Trust Amen, Brother! Can you see me? Don’t let me fall! Even if I pull away... Father forgive me. God have mercy. Heaven help me. Inside~outside Juxtaposition of Kindness and Love: Meaness, Nasty comments. Outside, looking in. Peering in Questioning my logic, Resisting my Soul. Teach me O Lord. Use me O Lord. Vanity all is vanity X-stacy ... I want

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-23235960504721735172010-02-23T22:07:00.001-05:002010-02-23T22:07:20.313-05:00

The earth shuddered the skies swirled in arcing celestial patterns. I fell to the ground awe stricken as the heavens danced and Time ceased to be Wisdom and knowledge poured forth and in an instant I sought and lost it all. The universe was righted. I stood a mortal speck in the vastness of God.

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-61425958069637043672010-02-23T22:06:00.000-05:002010-02-23T22:06:32.272-05:00

Here in this cage of bone, the first sound may have been laughter; Booming around rocking my world a giddy roller coaster ride in darkest warmth. Or perhaps initially it was the rhythm of a shared pulse hers linked with mine. We breathed and lived as one - not quite two; but soon. I hope the first sound wasn’t crying, deep mournful breaths fueling sobs and hiccups, jarring me agitating the

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-86666255314213964872010-02-23T22:01:00.000-05:002010-02-23T22:01:51.793-05:00

jesu In the darkness, sleeping in a temple of vines and leaves, They lie, innocent, unaware of impending doom. I feel it breathing down my neck. it’s laughter low and insistent. The fetid breath sour, hot, caressing my flesh... I am not afraid. My life was never my own. My very breath & blood were for others. Now my job is nearly done. My fate sealed by the One. I glance at them, sleeping,

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-37394005407635468822010-02-23T21:56:00.000-05:002010-02-23T22:16:21.071-05:00

Luke 4: 1-13 Alone in the desert a scorpion appeared at my feet small but deadly yet it sought refuge in my shadow. I sat watching as it grew and took a new form; shedding its carapace to reveal a body like my own, skin the color of mine, clothing of linen and flax, finer than my tattered robe. He stood before me emerging from hunger, from folly or fantasy or fear. He held bread for the

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-39310732089110551432010-02-16T22:04:00.000-05:002010-02-16T22:14:36.482-05:00

Today I finally ventured out after several days of hibernating and hiding from the snow. I held my girls group, met a client at his psychiatric appointment and basically tried to get my life back in order after losing Buddy Love. It seems strange not to hear his trill or meeps after over 21 years of living with him. I keep looking for his black and white figure to stroll through the living

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-51254446251390887932010-02-14T16:41:00.001-05:002010-02-14T16:41:30.552-05:00

Dear all, It is with a heavy heart that I tell you the news. Today we had to euthanize Buddy Love, age 22, our oldest, sweetest cat. We got Buddy as many of you know our first year of marriage when we lived in Brooklyn. Buddy got to travel a lot more than most cats. He lived a summer in Charleston on Folly Beach, stopped briefly in Durham NC, traveled to KY and Pennsylvania. He spent time at

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-24366427046917644372010-01-12T20:02:00.000-05:002010-01-12T20:05:51.560-05:00

It has been over a year since Molly left us. Jake has grown from an irritating 10 pound puppy to an irritating but lovable 75 pound puppy who has some of Molly's sweetness. I would like to think she passed a bit of her wisdom on to him. A few nights ago I dreamed of her. Molly came up beside me as I lay sleeping and began to lick my hand. In the dream I looked at her and exclaimed, "Molly are

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-40983902924213286442010-01-12T19:51:00.000-05:002010-01-12T19:51:43.034-05:00

Alone in the desert a scorpion appeared at my feet small but deadly yet it sought refuge in my shadow. I sat watching as it grew and took a new form shedding its carapace to reveal a body like my own skin the color of mine clothing of linen and flax finer than my tattered robe. He stood before me emerging from hunger from folly or fantasy or fear, he held bread for the taking if only I would

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-4264217598075371592010-01-02T18:50:00.000-05:002010-01-02T22:06:18.369-05:00

re⋅al⋅ize   /ˈriəˌlaɪz/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [ree-uh-lahyz] Show IPA verb, -ized, -iz⋅ing. –verb (used with object) 1. to grasp or understand clearly. 2. to make real; give reality to (a hope, fear, plan, etc.). 3. to bring vividly to the mind. 4. to convert into cash or money: to realize securities. 5. to obtain as a profit or income for oneself by trade, labor, or investment. 6. to

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-50007464439368700272009-12-17T20:48:00.001-05:002009-12-17T20:48:38.333-05:00

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-61740066930404776842009-12-17T20:47:00.001-05:002009-12-17T20:47:42.397-05:00

I have unanswered prayers I have trouble I wish wasn't there And I have asked a thousand ways That You would take my pain away That You would take my pain away I am trying to understand How to walk this weary land Make straight the paths that crookedly lie Oh Lord, before these feet of mine Oh Lord, before these feet of mine When my world is shaking Heaven stands When my heart is breaking I

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-3210850116988347182009-12-13T08:48:00.000-05:002009-12-13T09:02:35.233-05:00

Life is going a bit better. Or maybe it is just that I am changing my attitude. Stressful things are still present. But I have decided I had been in victim mode. Now I am preparing for warrior mode.I have sat on anger and disappointment for too long. I have cried too many tears over things I have no control over. And I want to control EVERYTHING. But I can't. This past year, I finally realized

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-77598358026755400092009-11-22T18:03:00.000-05:002009-11-22T18:14:44.935-05:00

Today the hubster and I had a couple of unexpected blessings. He went to work only to discover he actually had the day off. So he came home and we got to spend time together raking the yard. More romantic than one would think...We are always better as a team than as singles.Together we worked on herding the leaves toward the curb where the giant sucking truck would come and get them later this

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-71870033306702511542009-11-20T12:57:00.000-05:002009-11-20T13:11:03.635-05:00

I can't believe it has been almost a month since I blogged. This month has been the longest yet the fastest I have experienced in a while. It started with the glorious fiery leaves on trees that I love and then in an instant there are bare branches and gloomy weather heralding winter...I have hauled out comforters and quilts, my snuggies to keep the cold away. Last night was a sure sign as I woke

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-86180329693274719322009-10-31T13:24:00.000-04:002009-10-31T13:30:15.741-04:00

I cannot believe how quickly this month has gone by. It seems that the days have swirled by as fast and furious as the leaves...It has been a trying and triumphant month.Losses and gains. Work and life are a roller coaster ride and I am hanging on, hoping and praying that all will be well.The strange thing is I am not the only one affected. It seems as if the universe is all topsy turvy. Everyone

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-38888935078601002302009-10-31T13:21:00.000-04:002009-10-31T13:24:50.692-04:00

In the curve of the landwhere my life beganis where I wish my life to end.in the wild grove where my grandmother’sroses still growwhere wild garlic from a long ago garden and buttercups and daffodilsare grown,That is the final placeI want my ashes sown.From the earth that nurtured me and fostered my dreamsand even now tugs me backfor respite and careI want my last bones and cells to returnI want

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-58661083852425225732009-10-06T14:45:00.000-04:002009-10-06T14:49:31.977-04:00

Much has been happening and I have not had time nor inclination to write.Things have been rather strange here, lots of struggles and frustrations. I prayed for strength and now wished I had prayed for peace. I know God is with me but I feel so alone at times. I have cried so much its ridiculous even for me. But I am lucky, blessed with a great support system: family, friends, church and co

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-33023278768176610812009-09-21T22:35:00.000-04:002009-09-21T22:52:03.446-04:00

Talking to one of my kiddos, he tells me he wants two new tattoos. One on each arm: Trust and Faith, because he has learned that is what keeps him going. He also revealed he wants to be a therapist someday. He wants to help others because he knows what it is like to come up through the system and to grow up wounded. Plus he says he can make big money. I laughed and said "well make sure you become

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-71185010159392757532009-09-19T14:06:00.000-04:002009-09-19T14:20:10.047-04:00

I have had a few moments of happiness lately. The new meds are working, the darkness is lifting and I am feeling hopeful again. Depression is such a horribly complex disorder...Lately I have begun to cherish my Friday afternoon drives. One of my kiddos got moved to Richmond. He is the last appointment of the day. I drive down on I 75 to get there, spend an hour or so with him, talking and

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-81684657218144253992009-09-10T20:48:00.000-04:002009-09-10T21:08:47.945-04:00

I love words, reading, writing, saying certain ones, the feel of them in my mouth, the sound of them, the poetry and cadence, words have power.To help, to heal, to wound, to destroy. Sometimes in innocence we wield them and cut deeply only later realizing the damage we have caused. Then there are times we purposefully seek to hurt or to heal...Today I sat and listened to a young teen pour out his

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-44494773278708302642009-09-07T12:23:00.000-04:002009-09-07T12:28:44.728-04:00

Changes are coming, I can feel them. I do not know whether they are good or bad...That is the perplexing thing. I am a creature of habit. I used to think I was whimsical and spontaneous, and perhaps once I was, but no longer. I yearn for predictability. I want order in my life. I want to know where things are and what is to be expected. I no longer love surprises. Anxiety has gotten the better of

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-9412630536775022222009-09-07T00:41:00.001-04:002009-09-07T00:58:38.602-04:00

I took a long Sunday afternoon drive today, one of my favorite indulgences in spite of gas prices.And I noticed it was coming. Autumn, fall, the end of summer: my favorite time of year. I hate summer, always have, always will. Oh there are some moments that are nice. Some things I love: the first strawberries, the first tomato, corn, squash, mushmelon, watermelon, etc. the lightening bugs, the

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-68936943062241152392009-09-06T13:21:00.000-04:002009-09-06T13:53:40.679-04:00

Years ago there was a man who loved a cat. I got to know them both rather well. Or so I thought. I was there through the cat's last days as she succumbed to kidney failure and old age. I helped nurse her along, admiring her stoic spirit, marveling at the love between the animal and human. I felt humbled and honored to witness such a strong and unconditional bond. I was there when it was time to

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-86296254606525709952009-08-29T11:32:00.000-04:002009-08-30T02:09:24.233-04:00

"The work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives and the dreams shall never die." Edward KennedyWatching the Ted Kennedy funeral and memorial services remind me of some of my first memories, the death of his brother, JFK. I don't think its a phantom memory, I do believe I remember this time in my life. I was 3 and 1/2 years old, I remember seeing my father cry. For some reason it is

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-39876036891253224182009-08-09T14:08:00.000-04:002009-08-09T14:16:51.253-04:00

I have the first faint flutterings of Hope again.What has brought it about again?I can't say for certain other than it must be Love.I have had 2 weeks of nurturing from my mum in law. She came and cooked, cleaned, did a mountain of laundry but more than that, she listened. She let me cry. She patted my hand, dried my tears and loved me.My sister has stayed by side providing unconditional support

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-8772983708932019752009-08-09T14:06:00.000-04:002009-08-09T14:07:14.537-04:00

“If for an instant God forgot that I am just a puppet, and He gave me one more piece of life, I would take advantage of that time, the best I could.”I would probably not say everything I think, but definitely think all I say. I would value things not for what they are worth, but for what they represent.I would sleep less and dream more.For every minute we close our eyes we lose sixty seconds of

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-45868558920755794592009-07-22T19:16:00.000-04:002009-07-22T19:22:07.848-04:00

Today I am grateful for family. Having a family who sticks with me no matter what is my greatest blessing. I know because I work with broken, wounded, failing families daily. I see what happens when bitterness strikes and chasms open forcing families to fall apart.So I am very grateful for my family that sustains me and pulls together across the miles to help each other.I am grateful for my job.

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-34219940390844796662009-07-19T12:34:00.000-04:002009-07-19T12:51:12.629-04:00

Carrying two dead raccoons, a buzzard tries to check in at LAX for the red-eye to New York. "Sorry, sir," says the ticket agent. "We allow only one item of carrion." I had a revelation the other day. The hubster and I were talking about life and stuff. I decided that if I could be reincarnated I would come back as a buzzard. I know it seems an odd and even disgusting thought. These are ugly birds

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-63969089948031737262009-07-13T20:20:00.000-04:002009-07-13T20:38:29.146-04:00

Bad things do happen; how I respond defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have - life itself.-Walter AndersonI talked today with my therapist about loss and grief. (Yes, the therapist has a therapist. I am learning how to care for

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-12457921490790773592009-07-13T17:28:00.000-04:002009-07-13T17:35:40.696-04:00

Today I had 2 good sessions w/ clients. Two teenagers who don't really open up, opened up and talked with me and I listened and then listened some more. It feels incredible to be the one they choose to trust. I am honored and humbled every time one of them takes the chance and talks to me as their therapist.These kids have absolutely no reason to trust me. I am a stranger walking into their lives

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-19103379071454951262009-07-02T21:57:00.000-04:002009-07-02T22:12:18.988-04:00

OK I am trying to regain my balance after a topsy turvy weepy day.... I took a hard fall yesterday and felt pretty shattered. But I got up today and got on with life again.Today was peer review, I sat w/ 3 senior clinicians and the clinical director who all admitted they were struggling with the job too. That they feel hopeless at times, helpless, unable to make a difference too. We talked about

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-87796131108727754292009-07-01T17:56:00.000-04:002009-07-01T18:06:32.902-04:00

I am learning life lesson # 2009 over and over again. Things are not people...I have been clearing out my house, giving stuff away, tossing some things that are beyond anyone wanting them.But there are a few items I have held on to for many years. Dishes, clothes, remembrances of happier times and beloved friends and family. I am trying very hard to be spiritual and consider it all just material

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-58095517404473690302009-06-22T19:38:00.000-04:002009-06-22T20:35:15.436-04:00

But the Lord answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art anxious and troubled about many things:I have been thinking a lot about obedience, submission of one's will, following rules.Yes I work with teenagers. And I wrestle with my own spirituality daily.I have a friend who is a godly woman. She reads the Bible daily, prays earnestly and faithfully. She tries to live via God's commands

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-7400914749820741902009-06-21T20:22:00.000-04:002009-06-21T20:34:30.653-04:00

Sometimes, in order to help, He makes us miserable;but heartache for His sake brings happiness.Laughter will come after tears.Whoever foresees this is a servant blessed by God.Wherever water flows, life flourishes:wherever tears fall, Divine mercy is shown.Visit the SickVisit the sick, and you will heal yourself.The ill person may be a Sufi master,And your kindness will be repaid in wisdom.Even

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-17595046071762536662009-06-21T19:46:00.000-04:002009-06-21T19:53:45.584-04:00

At this moment I am calm, peaceful. The heat is slacking off and I feel like I can breathe again. I am currently in the present moment, ignoring all the what ifs and terrors that loom at the fringes of my consciousness. It is Father's day and I spent it with a man who has been very fatherly to me all my life. He entered when I was only 4 or 5, marrying my sister. Since then he has bailed me out

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-61820239820790961192009-06-20T23:39:00.000-04:002009-06-20T23:43:45.052-04:00

I have started to feel blessed today.I am grateful for my sister and her husband for once again rushing to my rescue.I have a big brother who gave me a heckuva pep talk last night.I have wonderous nieces and nephews.I have loyal and steadfast friends.I have a husband who adores me no matter how awful I am...I could go on and on... but for now that is enough. I am calm, peaceful and living in the

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-78281340494441667552009-06-20T23:37:00.000-04:002009-06-20T23:38:46.632-04:00

From : http://www.healthyminds.org/Home-Page-Feature-4/Mental-Health-and-the-Economy.aspxWomen in the survey report sharp increases in stress, anxiety, frustration and other negative mental health indicators since the recession took hold last fall, with job loss pushing these increases even higher. And while more than three-quarters of these women report engaging in one or more positive coping

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-2181343328388447902009-06-20T20:23:00.000-04:002009-06-20T23:35:54.216-04:00

Who are you?" said the Caterpillar..."I - I hardly know, Sir, just at present," Alice replied rather shyly, "at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have changed several times since then."--Lewis Carroll Alice's Adventures in WonderlandI have been under some stress recently and I often have crying spells. Now it could be my age, rapidly approaching AARP land, or

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5248016938759621316.post-37538244065815634152009-06-16T18:35:00.000-04:002009-06-16T18:37:54.098-04:00

Just when I start to lose faith, grow weary, and feel all is lost, something unexpected and good occurs.A friend calls and offers to buy me lunch.I get a few new clients on my too small case load.A new pet sitting job crops up.A family member's diagnosis is not as bad as I feared...Baby steps.Maybe that is what faith is all about, just taking those quivering, wobbly steps in the right direction.

mary marthahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02438185101117932829noreply@blogger.com0