I had trouble wrapping my mind around hating someone different from myself because I found them fascinating. I loved tales of travel and of different customs. I remember my favorite book was "Faraway Ports" a 3rd grade reader of my older siblings. I still own it by the way.
I was a voyeur from an early age. I loved when we drove by people's homes at night, their lights on, offering me a peek into their lives. I would glimpse people sitting down to supper, watching TV and laughing, or quietly reading. In my mind I would invent stories about them, spending hours creating various scenarios.
Even after becoming an adult, I still found glimpses of lives led to speculation and imagination.
Living in NY, I rode the F train which came above ground in Brooklyn, traveling beside rows of dwellings, again letting me see into windows and creating momentary snapshots of lives. Fascinating...
I read voraciously losing myself in the story, visualizing characters and settings that become almost real to me. I majored in theater and minored in folklore as an undergrad, only later realizing both were all story telling... which later led to my getting a degree in Social Work and becoming a therapist. Because of all the stories...
I love getting to know people, hearing their stories, learning about what makes them tick. In some ways this is a strength. In some ways it is a weakness. Because I tend to overanalyze EVERYTHING. Picking it apart, trying to understand, moving pieces around, seeing how the puzzle will come together. I do this with my life at times. Replaying incidents, trying to re-script conversations, drowning in the pool of "what if?" or the "woulda/shoulda/coulda" pond.
I question and delve and sometimes get stuck in the process.
Other times I jump ahead and try to get to the end, attempting to bypass the process. Sort of like when I read the last page of a book first... but even that is to try to see out how the author got from the beginning to the end by going back and reading the middle. Or so I tell myself.
Learning to live with unanswered questions is probably one of the hardest things about my profession. I work in short term interventions. I don't always get to see how the story ends. Or even the middle chapters. I can't see the future, even knowing the past. I can only work in the present.
It's been a hard task for me. To stay present in the moment. To NOT anticipate or expect or try to see the future.
I was sent this quote by a friend. I love it very much, now I must try to live it...