Sunday, October 4, 2015

Recently I private messaged a friend on Facebook to ask how they were. A simple "You doing OK? Haven't seen/heard too much from you. Just thinking about you!" turned into me being questioned about if I ever looked at their FB page, their posts and why wasn't I responding to those posts or the fact that they had commented on my posts???? 
I was confused by the questions, and when I checked, I saw that I had unfollowed that person due to some of the graphic animal cruelty posts on their page. I replied and explained why I had not been seeing the posts and that let to another rant about me not viewing those posts whereas they have "other friends in social services who don't seem to be upset by the animal cruelty and aren't as sensitive to it as you are" then they justified it by saying they were posting in hopes of saving animals.
The whole conversation became about why I wasn't scanning their posts and commenting about them. So for once, I did not apologize and try to console the person. I ended up expressing my feelings and explaining I can choose not to view things distressing to me and that I was feeling very judged...
Usually I try to ignore personal attacks and chalk it up to the other person having a bad day. But lately I feel like I have been a doormat for too long. That I have put others' needs before my needs and I am tired of being lashed out at and feeling guilty if I offend someone. I don't want to live my life walking on eggshells due to other's tempers or ego-centric world view.
 OK, so other social services workers aren't offended by the posts. But here is my deal: I worked in a vet clinic for years before going into social services. I saw animals in extreme pain from human's cruelty. I have seen cats with human bite marks all over it's face. I have seen cats dying from neglect, broken bones, poisoning, beatings, burns. 
All out of ignorance and neglect. 
Being in social services I have seen what humans do to one another too. A child with a distinct handprint on his bottom. And yes, broken bones, beatings, burns, bite marks... I see this SHIT if not daily then weekly, but far too often for my comfort. SO when I go on facebook to see funny animal videos and chat with friends, yes, I choose not to view any more hate and cruelty because that is what I see face to face, boots on the ground in my job. I want to escape from the reality of it and if by escaping, I choose to unfollow a post, that is my choice and my freedom. 
I understand that there are people unaware of the cruelty of man and perhaps they need to see those things to realize what a broken, wounded world we live in, but I walk daily in that world and I don't need to see it 24/7.  
I don't need to be judged and questioned about WHY I will not willingly choose to subject myself to pain to stroke someone's ego. I am tired of needy, whining, soul suckers in my life. I am tired of toxic people. I am just tired of being questioned and judged. I am tired of my motives being questioned. I am tired of explaining that I am an introvert and need solitude and a certain distance from people in order to function in the workplace. I am tired having my love and friendship tested by whether I like a post on freaking facebook...
I have a feeling I just lost a "friend" with more to follow...

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