The time is fast approaching when it will be a year since my brother died.
day just passed. Last year's Father's Day was the last time I saw my
brother alive. He was so sick, looking so much like our father did in
his last days of cancer. So many layers of emotions; love, sorrow,
anger, despair, hope and acceptance~ an emotional tornado lodged in my
It doesn't seem possible that a year has passed,
4 seasons come and gone. Holidays and Holy days blending together yet
separate and distinct due to the huge void that my brother left behind.
a sibling has affected me so differently than losing a parent. I always
assumed because I was a late in life baby, that I would outlive my
parents. Parents grow old and pass on. Siblings are supposed to be
Now I know that is not true. Now I
look at my sister and brother and part of me is unsure and scared. What
will I do when they go? Who else knows me as well as they know me? Who
else has been through so much with me?
I try not to
panic. I try to stay calm and stay in touch. But now there is a void, a
broken link in the chain linking me to the past and the present.
I feel as though I am holding my breath, waiting for 'that day' to come and go. To see if I survive it, relive it or give in to it.
Within a week, I will know. Within a week, I may finally be able to let go of the anger of losing my brother too soon...