Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Shadows and Shinies

This winter has been long, cold and dark. I have been fighting my depression and anxiety again.
They almost won.
I hate when I get into this state. I have no control, I am irrational and fearful of everything. I am overwhelmed.
I tried to wean off my meds. Big mistake. I became a blithering idiot. I couldn't stop crying. I was afraid of "EVERYTHING".
I would cry and apologize and repeat over and over, "I HATE THIS" to the hubster.
He understands.
He's seen the shadows too.
There have been too many shadows lately. Cancer casts a long, hateful darkness over my family and friends. The Bank looms over our house. The world has seemed pretty bleak.
But there are shinies awaiting. The Bradford pears are blooming. The Redbuds are out. The family next door to where we are moving have a Golden Retriever that looks as if it could be Jake's grandpa.
I am awaiting the coming of spring. And taking my meds again. I can wean off later...

Monday, March 14, 2011


A red leather recliner 
that became a dragon at night.
A clawfoot tub that wandered
and danced.
A white coffee cup
into which went 3 spoons of sugar,
swirled and swirled, 
the spoon clink, clink, clinking.

A door that closed on my past
but opened to my future.
A home in my dreams
that I revisit again and again.
Ordinary objects.
Glimpses of daily life
that haunt my sleep,
linger in my day,
making me long
for the life that was.

Reliving moments,
Reliving time.
Reveling with ghosts
who live in my mind.