When I was a teenager I think I was the original "Emo". I was very emotional, yearning for something more, it was indefinable but I remember a deep longing for whatever it was that I did not have...
I spent a lot of time lost in music. Listening to 45's and albums on my record player. Recording songs on my cassette tape recorder off the radio in wee hours of the morning. (All very hi tech at the time!)
I would dream about falling in love, meeting someone who made my heart stop then flutter giddily. I listened to love songs and my favorites were by John Denver. I also had a major crush on him and was sure I would meet someone just as talented and soulful as him at any moment. His songs were filled with beautiful lyrics, melodies that matched the passion and melancholy in my young impressionable heart.
There are certain songs that instantly transport me back through time, back to a feeling, a place. His songs were the songs of a lonely, dreaming 15 year old girl who never had her dreams fulfilled.
Until this week.
One night when my hubster was resting, he called me in and motioned me to lie beside him. He took one earbud of his iPod and placed in gently in my ear. John Denver was singing "My Sweet Lady": one of my favorites. It is from a movie, "Sunshine" about a beautiful tragic hippie heroine dying while her musician husband travels to make money. They have a child, Sam, but she dies a sappy, sorrowful movie death. Very 1970's, very appealing to a hopelessly romantic 15 year old.
I lay curled against my husband and the words rang painfully true. We stayed curled together listening to all of John Denver's songs. All of them taking on a new meaning, all of them drawing together the past, present and future. Some reminded me of family, some of friends and places now long gone from my life. Some reminded me of the 15 year old me, yearning to find someone to share her life with who would understand her.
35 years later that dream has come true. Nestled against the hubster's side, holding hands, sharing the headset, we listened and sang together, smiled, wept and whispered our love to one another.
The past and present joined and the broken heart of a 15 year old girl healed.