Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Things are not people

I am learning life lesson # 2009 over and over again. Things are not people...
I have been clearing out my house, giving stuff away, tossing some things that are beyond anyone wanting them.
But there are a few items I have held on to for many years. Dishes, clothes, remembrances of happier times and beloved friends and family.

I am trying very hard to be spiritual and consider it all just material possessions and let go of my attachment.

But today Jake went on one of his wild puppy rampages, I heard MO the cat screeching and then thudding and glass breaking. My first thought was that Mo was dead, shaken like a toy by an unwitting puppy. But no he was fine, just angry. However my favorite lamp of my parents lay shattered in pieces on the floor.

I lost it, totally broke down and cried. This is the lamp I remember from every home I have ever lived in, the lamp that was the one beautiful thing we owned. The lamp I had a serious attachment to beyond any sane rational person...

I know its just a lamp, but after all the dark days and all the trouble and the sadness we have experienced lately, this was the last straw. I started crying and couldn't stop. It felt like my life had shattered and broken and I had lost my parents all over again when I stood staring at the broken pieces of china on the floor.

I know the lamp is not my parents, not my family, not even a thing of great monetary value. In the scheme of things I am glad it was broken instead of the cat.
But still, it feels like my life is shattering into irreparable pieces every day. I feel that I have no control and everyday brings a new loss of some material object. I know my soul/spirit is experiencing growing pains but I am tired of being sad. I am tired of losing stuff. I want to stabilize my world...

1 comment:

Alykat said...

One thing you will never have to lose are the friends who love you.

That is stability in itself.

Can you glue the lamp? Sure it would still show some cracks, but it would still be there, maybe even more a reminder that even with cracks, things can be made whole again.