Monday, May 25, 2009

Confession time

OK, so yeah, I have been hiding and isolating lately.
I have been scared and anxious and thinking the best way to deal was to avoid everyone.
But lately I have been coming out and slowly talking to friends and family.
I am depressed, scared and worried.
Our finances suck.
We are in hard times. The hubster and I are struggling.
Just like everyone.
That is what I finally realized. We are not alone. We are not the only ones hit by the recession. DUH!
But it is finally sinking into my brain.
That there is comfort in talking w/ others.
That there is no shame in asking for help.
A shoulder to cry on,
a hand to hold.
Prayers, good thoughts, wishes...

I am too much into being in control. The person who fixes things, the therapist for Pete's sake, that I forget I can breakdown and ask for help too.
I forget I am allowed to be human and that its ok if I am weak and stumbling at time.

I have been afraid to talk to old friends because I didn't want them to know that everything was not OK. But then I got an email from one of my oldest and dearest friends who told me that she was struggling too, and I felt... not alone. I didn't rejoice in her sorrow, not at all, but I connected. I immediately sat and wrote her back saying, I understood, I was there too. After 20 years apart we reconnected at a time when we both needed someone who knew and wouldn't judge us.
Someone we could share all our secrets with like we used to as children.

I had been asking for minor miracles. They have started...

1 comment:

TimmyB said...

Thanks for sharing this difficult confession, Martha. I'll be thinking of you and sending Suze Orman vibes. It's a hard time right now, but these situations are cyclical. How many recessions have we lived through since the 1970s? You will get through this. Your family and loved ones are strong and resourceful.