Saturday, December 27, 2008

Hopeful

We are closing in on the end of the year. And I am relieved. It has been a rough year in our home. I have not been so wise at times. I have not taken care of myself and it has shown: in my marriage, in my work, in my blogging, in my soul...
I am weary but hopeful.

This has been a hard year for lots of my family and friends. It seems to be a sign of the times...

I work in a demanding profession with severely ill people in desperate situations. So I know that I am, in comparison, well off. But I cannot stop my heart from aching for these families no more than I can stop aching for my own family or friends. Boundaries have always been hard for me. Not that I would cross boundaries ethically or harm anyone, but that I can't say "No" very easily and keeping going beyond my endurance until I am depleted. I am learning this is not helpful for others. I don't perform at my peak level if I am rundown. I can't give my best is I have nothing left to give.

I am learning about self care. About being intentional. About giving my all and then resting to recharge. About not giving up...

I have learned these lessons from watching my husband, my family, my friends and yes even my pets... God incarnates in many forms, sometimes even four legged and furry forms!

I resolve this next year to clear out the clutter, make room for rest and peace. That is why I am hopeful. Because I think I can accomplish this. To find and hold onto Peace. Having gone without peace, I now long for it. And that is the first step to achieving a dream, having the desire...

Guest Author (without permission... but hopefully forgiveness!)

My nephew wrote this email. I think it is the best Christmas sermon I have ever heard. Amen. (I hope you don't mind using it Nephew! For all the non family readers, this is the nephew of whom I have written many times, who is one of the finest men I know. Which isn't a surprise as he was raised by one of the finest men I know as well...)

"Hello and Merry Christmas everyone.
Well it has already been the best Christmas ever for us .
Today the adoption was made final; it has been the greatest experience.
At times we wondered if this day would ever come, at times we wondered why we had to go through this eleven year battle but now we know and understand. I have learned alot though all of this...
First thing I had to learn was one of the hardest things for me was that I didn't have control of the situation.
But God was in control if we would just let Him lead us and guide us we would all be better off .
Because He had already planned the child for us; we now understand its God's time and God's plan, not our time or our plan .
And also if we had a child on our own it would have been a gift from God. Because any child is a gift God so there is no difference, she is our child and there's no way we could love a child any more than we love her.
We have been so blessed words can't express thanks for all the prayer and support."


Welcome to the family, Great # 8.
You are our best Christmas present ever.
Love Aunt Martha

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas Eve

This year Christmas is a little sadder. Its a Christmas without Molly Dawg. Which reminds me of others that aren't here either. My parents, my father in law, other relatives and friends and pets...

We are in town for this holiday since I am the on call person at my agency. So we are missing family.

I am trying to be hopeful though. This year has been rough. But Christmas has always heralded a time of miracles and love for me. It is a season when my faith is renewed, when I begin to believe once again. Tonight is the night when miracles happen. When hearts open and love abounds.

Tonight is Christmas Eve.

There will be Peace.
There will be Joy.
There will be Hope.

If we all believe...

Sunday, December 21, 2008

I rescued a human: Molly and Me

Alycat sent me this and its pretty much Molly and my story. All that's missing is the celestial ray of light that shone down on her!
Thanks Alycat...

I Rescued A Human
by Diane Turriff.........................................

I rescued a human today.

Her eyes met mine as she walked down the corridor peering apprehensively into the kennels.

I felt her need instantly and knew I had to help her.
I wagged my tail, not too exuberantly, so she wouldn't be afraid.

As she stopped at my kennel I blocked her view from a little accident I had in the back of my cage. I didn't want her to know that I hadn't been walked today. Sometimes the shelter keepers get too busy and I didn't want her to think poorly of them.

As she read my kennel card I hoped that she wouldn't feel sad about my past. I only have the future to look forward to and want to make a difference in someone's life. She got down on her knees and made little kissy sounds at me. I shoved my shoulder and side of my head up against the bars to comfort her.

Gentle fingertips caressed my neck; she was desperate for companionship.

A tear fell down her cheek and I raised my paw to assure her that all would be well.

Soon my kennel door opened and her smile was so bright that I instantly jumped into her arms.
I would promise to keep her safe.
I would promise to always be by her side.
I would promise to do everything I could to see that radiant smile and sparkle in her eyes.
I was so fortunate that she came down my corridor.
So many more are out there who haven't walked the corridors.
So many more to be saved.
At least I could save one.

I rescued a human today.


The thing is, she really did. Molly rescued two. She blessed the hubster and me with her presence. Our lives were improved immensely the day she entered our hearts. She brought us joy, laughter, hope and love. People who have never bonded with an animal can't understand our own unique pathology, but there is something about the utter trust, the unconditional love, the total forgiveness that makes me believe in an incarnate God. We humans are often pretty pathetic at all the Christ like teachings; showing mercy and forgiveness, turning the other cheek, loving your neighbor. I don't mean to be blasphemous, I am totally serious when I say we could all learn a lesson or two from a really great dog. If we let it, the world is our classroom and animals are our teachers.

Molly Remembered...


Yesterday, became the day.

After months of "Not today!", Molly Dawg let us know it was time. She was tired and wanted to go. The hubster and I took her on one last car ride to her Dr. Dreamy and stayed with her as he administered the big pink shot. Molly Dawg fell asleep to wake no more. Gone is the pain, the frustrations, the indignity, the struggles. All that is left is our broken hearts and tear stained faces.

But wait, there is more.

The love remains...

Rest in peace Molly Dawg, may light perpetual shine upon thee and angels guard your rest.

I loved her so much.

Monday, December 15, 2008

guess what i did?





broke my radius...

walking in te dark w/ a puppy and not wearing my glasses...

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Quote

"Our ability to love is our truest power,
our greatest power as human beings."
-
Paul Michael Glaser

Dark of winter

I have gone round and round w/ depression most of my adult life and part of my childhood.

Ironically my own battles and victories led me into the mental health field. Knowing that if I can survive and fight makes me believe that others can as well.

This has been a hard autumn~ usually my best time of year but this year~ not so much. There has been death, disease, disappointment and worry... sometimes my problems, but often others that I carry for friends, family and clients.

I have found myself crying more lately, isolating, being vexed. The Hubster pointed out I needed to take my own advice and consult w/ my doctor. So I did. I am now on a higher dose of what will probably be lifelong medications. That's OK. But I still find myself resenting that my body chemistry overrides my determination and will power...

I don't know why I am so unforgiving with myself. Why I am so much kinder to my clients, friends, family and pets than I am to myself... but that is my issue I need to work out.

In the course of all this angst I have emerged incredibly grateful for several things:
My family. My mum in law who listens as I cry over the phone, who has been a support for me for almost 20 years through thick and thin. I am so incredibly blessed to have a mum in law who is a friend. Not everyone can say that and I just love her dearly. She came into my life during the time my own mother died and her mother died and we have just glommed onto each other and forged a wondrous relationship.
Also my big sister. She has always been there for me. She and her hubster are my touchstones, I know if I ever need anything, all I have to do is call and they will be there without question. They are my heart.
The hubster. Who else would put up with me? He knows the best and worst and loves it all. Diane, BFF of 34 years, again, what would I do without her? We have laughed, cried, prayed, rejoiced and mourned together for a lifetime. She too is irreplaceable.
Then there are the furfaces. My pets, lovable, frustrating, but so life sustaining...
They show me unconditional love and absorb countless tears into their furs. Worth every nickel...
I am grateful for friends. My social work group of buds, T. and L. and K, we hold each other up through monthly visits and emails. They are there in a heartbeat and provide me with joy and support.
My co workers who bolster me and support me and quell my fears. I love my job most days but it does wear a person down, that is why they are so vital to me...
The list goes on, but my battery is dying, so I will plug in the computer and continue later...
Peace and love to you all.
Mary Martha

(P)update

Jake is still with us in spite of Molly and Buddy daily plotting his death...

He checked out fine at the vet, healthy, sturdy, good disposition, not even very wormy...
Labeled "a keeper" much to Molly and Buddy's dismay.

He is growing before our very eyes! He weighed in at 12 and a half pounds but was not 4 months old... he is only 10 weeks old!!! A BABY! So my expectations have been very high and unrealistic...

He has brought some much needed laughter and joy into our lives. As well as shredded papers, lost shoes, piddle puddles and late night, early morning stumbles around the cold dark yard!!!

But he is indeed a keeper. We are working on his training. At one year old, if all goes well, he will test for certification as a therapy dog. Then I can use him in treatment w/ clients, take him to hospitals, nursing homes and Hospices to help provide comfort and healing. This has long been a dream of mine, to have an animal to use to help others.

Plus the husbster has just wanted one of the furfaces to have a job!!!