Today I start officially as a clinician with my first 2 kiddos. I am excited, nervous and prayerful.
I want so much to be good at this. I want to do no harm. I want to help.
In some ways life as a vet assistant was easier. Animals were easier. No, I take that back. They were just different in the way they broke my heart. The kiddos break my heart too. That's ok. When hearts break open love gets in and it flows out. I think that's why God made hearts breakable.
I read a story about a Rabbi who was teaching on God writing the scripture on our hearts. When questioned about the wording in the Torah, Why on the heart? Why not in the heart? The Rabbi explained God writes on our hearts so that when they break, His words fall into our hearts.
It seems we can only experience the divinity that is in each of us in our brokenness.
It is only through our pain and suffering that we become real and authentic and connect one to another.
I want to spare the kiddos pain and suffering, I want to shelter them, but I realize it is the hard lessons that we learn the most important things. It is the darkness that makes us love the light and it is in the struggle that we are strengthened.
Perhaps I need to take these lessons to heart myself as I begin this new journey.